i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
