The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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