He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
