I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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