Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
