Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
