with your own penis?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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