Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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