I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we should paint friendship bongs
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