When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
