if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
