Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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