We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
