I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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