Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
how does that bad decision feel?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
