I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
