Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
