Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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