when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
