I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
