Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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