the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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