Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
