Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
