WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
