I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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