In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
