he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
