According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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