Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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