if you like me you must not know who I am
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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