how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
