I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
