I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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