I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
