What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
