Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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