This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
