She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
