Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
