Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
