i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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