Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
