My brain says no but my pants say off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
