is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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