i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
