Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I could fuck to npr.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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