Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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