what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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