I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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