yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
should my penis look like a turkey
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
