You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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