so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
FUCK WHALES
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